I’m working on bringing some of my older blogs into this SolFul Living website. This one jumped out at me because it’s pre-Barbie movie. But, it kind of expresses some of the thoughts I had when I saw the Barbie movie. Being a woman is hard. So, supporting one another is hella important (and saying hella important made me feel cool and super over-the-hill-trying-to-hard uncool at the same time). Sigh. In any case, this was my ode toward supporting one another in a world that makes being a woman an uphill climb.
Two of my daughters and I have been having a conversation about what it means to uplift other women.
It all began when one of my daughters called out a group of young women on TikTok – If you don’t know what that is, you might be old like me – In any case, this group of young women are promoting metal straws in an effort to “save the turtles.” My 10 year old was talking about how sometimes straws and light bulbs can be diversions from the things that affect the climate in more devastating ways (overpopulation, fishing and farming, fossil fuel, etc.,).
I responded something like -“Well, listen, this is their thing. Instead of putting them down for this, why not applaud their efforts. Then, you can start to raise awareness about what you feel would reduce the effects of environmental damage.
I wasn’t looking for an argument, but an argument is what I got. It became evident that my daughter was really more upset about the way the turtle/straw girls dressed and what they thought was cool.
I told her that I didn’t like it when girls attacked each other and harshly judged one another’s choices, which made my other daughter pipe up, “I can’t stand hearing that. It’s bad when anyone attacks anyone’s choices. Gender is irrelevant.”
It made me think. Why do I have a visceral response when women attack one another for their style choices, parenting skills, life choices? I tried thinking about my response when a male co-worker or friend criticized another male on his style choices, parenting abilities, etc., Honestly, I couldn’t remember that happening. I’m sure it does. But, I couldn’t come up with examples.
Women are expected to be stylish, environmentally conscious, look pretty – but not look as if too much effort was expended, be fit, be great parents, be successful, bake, do crafts, be ambitious but not aggressive. I don’t know. A lot is expected of women. And, we feel, I believe, as if we have to measure up. And, sometimes, we feel that we are not measuring up. And, when that happens, sometimes, we seek other girls or women who are measuring up even less effectively than we. And, their perceived inadequacies provide a measure of relief.
Yup. That is what I think. Because, honestly, who cares if you do or don’t like someone’s hair, if they let their kid have a cell phone at age 7 or if they keep technology at bay until the kid is 20. Who cares if they don’t participate in the Home & School Association activities, didn’t have any kids, had too many kids, wear lipstick to play in the softball league, or wear sweatpants to their parent/teacher conferences.
Does it matter if they race to the bus stop late or get there half hour early? Do we care that deeply if some other woman lets her child stay up until 10:30 or makes her child go to bed at 6:30?
Why does it matter if some girl has a Kanken backpack, a hydroflask and one metal straw designed to prevent sea turtles from snorting up a plastic straw? How does it affect you if your friend got a belly button piercing and a tattoo (let’s make it a sea turtle tattoo) on her left forearm.
Stop. It.
Stop talking and judging and criticizing. And, yeah, I feel that as women we have to stick together. We do have to uplift and elevate. If someone is rushing to the bus stop late, maybe stand with her kid.
We are all doing our best. Young women. Old women. In between women. Women put up with a lot of expectations. And, speaking as one of us, we do enough self flagellating that we don’t need the harshness coming from without. There is already enough of it coming from within.
Having said that – hooray for my daughters. Hooray for them for noticing that the people are allowing themselves to be diverted from paying attention to the most challenging causes of our environmental collapse. Good on them for realizing that there can be a focus on what looks good as opposed to what is good. I love that they are aware that being an individual is more important than succumbing to pricey trends.
And, way to go for realizing that everyone should be supported and uplifted, not just one group of people.